I HAD tender, loving sex with a guy who is old enough to be my dad but I feel stricken with guilt now. Should I confess what I did to my husband?
I’m 26 and my husband is 37. We’ve been married for five years and we have a great relationship.
This older guy lives at the bottom of our street. He’s 58 and alone since his wife left him.
He’s a keen gardener and I stop and talk to him occasionally as I walk past on my way home.
My husband and this man know one another but my husband doesn’t know that I’ve been in love with him since my early teens.
He was a friend of my dad’s and really kind to me when my dad died suddenly of a heart attack.
I was walking home from the shops one day last month as this man was coming out of his front door.
I stopped for a chat as usual and it started to rain so he invited me in for a cup of tea.
I’ve just had a new hairstyle and he complimented me on how attractive I look now. I blushed as I’d wanted him to say something personal for a long time.
He came over to me and took hold of my hand. The next thing I know he kissed me full on the lips. I was shocked at first but kissed him back.
He led me into the lounge and we ended up having sex on the carpet. He was a very passionate lover and I got completely carried away but I was overcome with guilt when we finished.
I got dressed and mumbled something about having to go now it had stopped raining. I got home and showered before my husband got home from work.
I can’t stop worrying about it though. I want to tell my husband what happened but I am worried that he might go round and hurt this guy.
Should I tell him or just leave it? It only happened the once and I know for certain it will never happen again.
DEIDRE SAYS: It might ease your conscience to tell your husband but it would land him with a whole load of misery and actually solve nothing.
Best to keep this to yourself and tell this other guy that you expect him to do the same.
Say you realise you made a big mistake and
now want to focus on being as good a wife as possible.
What’s important is to learn from this and promise yourself there’ll be no repeat. Ever. That’s what matters, so think carefully what this has really been about.
Your feelings for this guy are clearly linked with your pain at losing your dad. Have you perhaps transferred your love for him on to his friend? Is it a form of denial of your loss?
My e-leaflet Help For Bereavement explains the many ways grief can affect us and the support available.